a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
