he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over