I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
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I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.