Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.