they're staring at me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be