Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dignity is for republicans.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize