I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk is a universal language darling
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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