Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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