I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You don't make any sense
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