Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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