I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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