Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
