I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
