every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm really busy with my period
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