This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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