Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
