my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
