Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
