i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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