I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
