i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
