I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
