I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
