I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
