I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
