I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
