i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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