this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize