Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.