I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.