Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night