Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia