I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located