I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just google imaged poop.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.