I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
