how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
