I hate your face
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
