Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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