we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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