Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
