eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
