Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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