yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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