Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
