That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
