WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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