i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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