My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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