Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
