U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
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did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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