Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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