two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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