I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
