She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
