don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
