i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We named our party play list daddy issues
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
