i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
