You're completely useless in the revolution.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
