The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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