I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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