watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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