toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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