It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
