Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
