Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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