You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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