Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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