Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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