Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
