I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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