I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
