The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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