question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
