if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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