sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
