Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
