okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
