I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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