I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
