Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
